Saturday, December 23, 2006

Rest In Peace Dad

I have had a rollercoaster 29 hours.

I got a phone call to say my father had passed away yesterday afternoon, after many tears and not being able to reach Damien I then got another phone call to say that he wasn't actually dead but in a drug-induced coma.

So many conflicting emotions, anger, sadness, confusion.

My uncle rang and confirmed the drug-induced coma, induced because of the intense pain Dad was in, it was only a matter of time, he suggested I ring the hospice and they could possibly put the phone up to his ear so I could tell him of my pregnancy, the fact that I hadn't yet told him had devastated me.

I rang the hospice and my cousin held the phone up to his ear, it was so very hard, but I told him of my pregnancy, that I loved him, and said goodbye.

I got a lot of closure from that phone call. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to talk to him, even though he couldn't answer, I heard his breathing change and I *know* he heard me.

I got a phone call from my uncle and Dad passed away tonight. He was in a bit of pain near the end so I *know* that he is so much better off now, and is at peace.

I feel such peace, and relief.

Love and light Dad, may you now rest in peace.

7 comments:

Lanne said...

Dee (and all of your family) I am so very sorry for your loss and I so very sad for the pain that I know you are experiencing. I am pleased you got to say what you needed to and that he heard about your pregnancy and knows that his family continues, and that he was so loved. There are festivities in the coming days that will make these even harder - If you need some time out, some time alone, some coffee and a walk, a new dry shoulder to cry on - let me know - here anytime. Please look after you, and I will check in soon.

katef said...

Thinking of you Dee... what an amazing rollercoaster ride you have had over the past day or so, but I am so very pleased you had a chance to speak to your dad, tell him your news and say goodbye.
Please make sure you take care of yourself!

Mary said...

Dee - You don't realise that I read your blog - stumbled across it from somewhere else - but I couldn't not post a comment.

So sorry to hear about your dad - your post brought me to tears. You are so lucky to have had the chance to say goodbye and let him know about your baby. My MIL passed away suddenly on Christmas Eve 7 years ago - It is such a hard time to lose someone but also good in a way that so many memories are made and remembered at Christmas and you are surrounded by so much love that it helps you to get through a little easier. Take care and much love to you!

fazzbech said...

Thinking about you Dee, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Nic and Beren said...

Dee Im so sorry for your loss. Im glad you had a chance to speak to your father about your pregnancy.

Rae said...

Thinking of you Dee. :(

Chris said...

Dee although I am really late in saying that I am so sorry to hear that your dad past away this blog put tears in my eyes. I knew your dad was sick and just wanted to say that even though it has been awhile and I am only replying now I have been thinking of you through all your hardship and now that you have been in my thoughts constantly and that is it really good to have you back at PBP. :)